From Here to Now to You
by Mstngsali1
Summary: What would you do if you couldn't remember who you are?
1. Chapter 1

Beeping. All I heard was beeping. You know, that really annoying sound of medical equipment. Had to mean I was in the hospital. On the plus side, the aggravating noise wasn't urgent. That meant I was alive.

Listening intently, I could hear the soft squeak of tennis shoes on shiny floors and quieted voices. The customary hustle and bustle of a hospital floor was absent. I was either in the ICU or it was nighttime... or both.

Deduction by sound was all well and good but observation by sight would have been preferable. However, my eyelids would not cooperate. That was when I noticed the rest of my body was not interested in moving either. A spark of fear began to grow in my stomach. What if I was paralyzed? Being trapped this way would be a new flavor of hell. Fear turned to panic as my thoughts began to race. Just as I heard the beeping increase with my heart rate, there was movement on my left.

"She's awake," I heard a warm, masculine voice say softly but with authority.

Squeaky footsteps came quickly and the man's voice whispered in my ear, "You're going to be ok."

For some reason, the soothing tone calmed me immediately. Another voice, this one female, asked me if I was in pain. I tried to answer her but was unable. The nurse, in her best "there, there" voice informed me that I was badly injured and was being given medication so I could not move.

That was a relief. At least it wasn't permanent. The nurse voice then told me she was giving me something to help me relax. I desperately wanted to hurl a million questions at the voice. Where was I? How did I get here? Who was the man next to me?

The effects of the medication were dragging me back to unconsciousness. I did my best to fight but it was useless. I decided to go with the undertow for the time being and rest. I heard myself sigh and started to drift.

The waves were about to take me when I realized two things. One, I had absolutely no clue who I was and two, I knew the voice of the man next to me. I'd known it for years. I'd fallen asleep to it more times than I could count.

My last thought before the darkness took me was... How is a fictional character in my hospital room?


	2. Chapter 2

I awoke again to the damned beeping. This time the sounds were louder. Some laughter mixed in with the squeaking. I was guessing it was daytime. First thing on my list was to open my eyes and much to my surprise, they cooperated.

Things were really blurry. I hoped my eyesight was not damaged. Remembering the soothing, velvety voice that had calmed me in the night, I looked to my left and was not surprised to see the outline of a man.

"Hey," the fuzzy outline said, "How are you feeling?"

It was the same voice. But that wasn't possible. He wasn't real. I HAD to be hallucinating.

"I'm going to get the nurse," he said. And when he stood, I knew he wasn't a hallucination. Even out of focus I knew who he was.

Ok, I don't know who I am but I remember a character from a TV show? Yeah... ok.

I heard his footsteps fade as he walked and something occurred to me. He's the actor that plays the character. Wow. That would have been really embarrassing.

His fuzzy outline and footfalls returned, "The nurse and doctor are coming. Tell me how you feel."

"Not sure," I replied. My throat was dry so it was more of a croak than anything. "Jared? Why are you here?"

"Jared?" he replied. "I'm sorry. My name is Sam. Sam Winchester."

I felt my chin drop. Just as I was about to call him mean ass liar, the doctor and nurse came in. They assessed my condition, took vitals and such, all while "Sam" stood in the corner. I still hadn't gotten a good look at him. My vision was still very blurry.

I asked the doctor about it and he replied with a smile in his voice that I had no head injury. Apparently, I wore contacts but they were removed when I was brought in. That line of questioning brought the doctor to the realization that I didn't remember who I was. Tests were ordered, the doctor left and the nurse went to get the medications he had prescribed, leaving me alone again with "Sam".

"You're Sam Winchester?" I asked him with obvious sarcasm and disbelief in my voice.

"Yes, I am. You act like that's not possible."

"That's because it's not possible. 'Sam' is a fictional character. And I happen to think it's a shitty thing to do to someone in the hospital."

He walked from the corner to the chair next to the bed and sat, "I'm a fictional character? I'm beginning to wonder about the head injury diagnosis. Wait a second? You know who I am?"

Sighing, and realizing it hurt to do so, I answered rapidly, "Yes, I know who you are. You're Sam Winchester, the youngest son of John and Mary Winchester. Your older brother is Dean. Your mom died in a fire in your nursery when you were six months old. Your dad was killed by Azazel, the yellow eyed demon, in a deal to save Dean's life. Judging by your haircut, you are in season eight."

"How do you know all of that?" he said with disbelief mixed with fear.

"Jared, please drop the act. My body aches and I'm really not in the mood for this. What in the hell are you doing here anyway?"

"Dean and I found you in the barn, injured. We brought you here." His cell phone rang. He answered it and walked out of the room.

I took advantage of the time alone to analyze what was going on before the nurse came back with meds that would surely knock me out. Jared/Sam was playing the part perfectly. Well, he is an actor.

This little voice in my head said quietly, "Maybe he is Sam."

"That couldn't be possible. Sam is a character on a TV show. It isn't real."

"Maybe here, it is. You might not be in Kansas anymore. Or maybe you are?"

My blood chilled as I talked to my inner self. What if I am in a different "place" where Sam and Dean are real? Dean and Sam came into our universe once. Why couldn't I go to theirs? I strained hard to remember anything before waking up in the hospital but there was nothing there. I knew what a hospital was. I knew the universe where Sam was from like the back of my hand. But I couldn't remember what my name was or how I landed here. As I saw it, I had two choices, rail against the idea that he was telling the truth and was actually Sam Winchester or accept it as a possibility and go with it. It's not like I was in a position to be on my own. And besides, where Sam goes, Dean surely follows. Oh holy shit, I hadn't even thought about Dean.

That wasn't exactly true. His face and voice haunted my dreams. How many pictures did I have of him/Jensen on my phone? Obsessed doesn't really cover it. What I had failed to consider was that if Sam was really Sam, then Dean would eventually show up. And I would get to be near him. The thought actually made me dizzy.

And as if on cue, the nurse came in with medication. It ran through my veins and I let it have me. My brain was overwhelmed. I'd worry about this mess when I woke up.


	3. Chapter 3

As I awakened a third time, there was no beeping. Not a good sign when you are looking for an indicator of whether you are dead or alive. I opened my eyes to semi-darkness in the private hospital room. The walls were a dingy white. The clock on the wall read 11:47. Judging from the lack of light coming in from the window, it was P.M. Other than a door on the north wall and an antiquated TV, there was nothing remarkable about my surroundings. The fact that I was able to see the details of the room jogged a memory from my previous period of consciousness. My vision was no longer blurry. Either I did have a head injury and it was on the mend or they had put my contacts back in. I was banking on the latter.

I decided to do a quick assessment of myself to figure out how badly I was injured. Toes and fingers wiggled so that was a relief. My midsection stung and there was a tugging of skin with every deep breath. Apparently I was operated on. There were no casts or splints of any kind, just lots of bandages and shallow cuts. I wondered where they came from.

I also remembered that Sam had said that he and Dean had found me in a barn. Why was I in a barn? That didn't sound like the kind of place I was inclined to be. Admittedly, my memory was a hot mess but when one is in this type of situation, relying on intuition is usually best.

My train of thought was derailed by a snort coming from the side of the bed. Startled, I gasped deeply and paid the price. My stomach felt like it was on fire. I moaned and the snorer woke from their nap.

"Hey. You ok?" the voice said. The pain was forgotten when I realized who owned that raspy, gorgeous voice. Did I dare open my eyes?

Before I committed to the act of looking at the most perfect face on mother earth, I wanted to confirm what personality belonged to it.

"Dean?" I whispered, "Is that you?"

The voice chuckled and said, "Yeah, in the flesh."

Wow. That was a poor choice of words as the images in my head turned my blood into molten lava.

Time to put on my big girl panties and open my eyes.

He was sitting in a high backed chair next to the hospital bed, leaning toward me, elbows resting on his knees. His head was tilted to the side, crowned with unkempt, dirty blonde hair. Dressed as I had come to expect, his body was accentuated by the tattered jeans, tight black t-shirt, and green plaid over shirt that covered his lithe frame. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a dark olive jacket hanging on the back of the chair he sat in.

Waiting as long as I could, I finally looked at his face… and was lost. Even high definition television did not do this man justice. Between the sculpted cheek and jaw bones, the sensual lips, and the freckles sprinkled across his nose laid sun-soaked, stubble covered skin. But the most striking thing about this beautiful man had to be his eyes… a bottomless bottle green, accentuated by the color of his shirt. They were full of so much… pain, age, worry, fear. But they were also full of strength, hope, intelligence, bravery and most of all… caring. It was the last emotion I saw that took my breath away. Although he was on guard, as I was sure he would be, he cared about what happened to me. It felt as though we had spoken an entire conversation with one look. I was overwhelmed.

This was the Dean I remembered. The one who loved Sam and believed that Sam would die for him. The cocky, broken man I had fallen in love with.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, still leaning toward me and looking deep into my eyes.

How was I feeling? Truth be told, my brains were scrambled mush. I couldn't have made a coherent sentence if I was pressed to do so. So I did the only thing I could manage. I shrugged.

That appeared to be a good enough answer for him. He stood up and reached across me to get the button to page the nurse. As he leaned over, I realized he smelled exactly like I had always imagined… hotel shampoo, gun powder, leather, and sweat. It was a heady combination and made my toes curl. My imagination was wandering into places it shouldn't have been considering the circumstances.

The speaker behind the bed crackled. "Yes?" the nurse asked.

"She's awake," Dean told her, "and appears to be in pain."

"I'll be right in."

Satisfied, Dean leaned back in the chair, stretched his legs in front of him and waited for the nurse to show. If I could have spoken I would have asked what happened to me and where Sam was but my mouth was having no part of it. So I continued to stare at him, honestly scared that he would disappear in a puff of smoke. Someone that beautiful just cannot exist. It's against the laws of nature.

He answered my stare with a level headed gaze, never looking away from me. His look was far from hostile though, quite the opposite actually. His expression betrayed nothing but his eyes were full of concern and something else I couldn't quite put my finger on.

The nurse picked that moment to walk in and I was grateful to have an excuse to look away. Without her questions I would have continued to stare at him like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.

After she took my vitals and asked if I needed anything, she gave me a shot of something that immediately relaxed me, but didn't knock me out right away. Mumbling under her breath, I heard her say she'd forgotten one of my meds and she'd be right back.

I watched her leave and then turned my attention to the ceiling. I knew what would happen if I looked at him again and was unprepared to make a bigger ass out of myself than I already had.

He leaned forward again and I heard him say softly, "Don't worry. You aren't alone in this. I'm gonna help you."

Looking at him again, I was astounded to see the caring in his eyes was more intense and a resolve that turned the warmth to ice in milliseconds.

The nurse and her perfect timing took that moment to return with my last medication and administered it into my IV. The fog rolled in and this time, I didn't want to slip into its embrace. I wanted more time with Dean. I wanted to know he was going be there when I woke up.

As though he was reading my mind, he whispered, velvety soft into my ear, "Sleep, Sweetheart. I'll be here when you wake up. That's a promise."

The last vestiges of the world dropped away and the last sensation I felt before I succumbed was the warm, calloused fingers of Dean Winchester wrapping around my own.

_A/N: If you are enjoying the story, please review and let me know. There are quite a few chapters of this tale already written and after the next couple, I'll be releasing them twice a week so I can work on my other chapter fic, Nevermore. There is more goodness there if you would like to check it out. Also, if you have a request for a one-shot, drop me a P.M. and I'll see what I can do! Thanks for reading! _


	4. Chapter 4

Dean was there when I woke up, as he promised. He was asleep, his head lying on the side of my bed, still holding my hand. As soon as I moved, he let go and left the room.

* * *

><p>Weeks passed. The periods of consciousness were becoming longer and more frequent. The pain was subsiding as well. But none of my memories returned. I didn't even know my name. The hospital had me registered as Jane Doe, which was so clichéd it was ridiculous. In a fit of boredom, Sam suggested using a random baby name generator so they wouldn't have to call me Jane. After laughing for an hour or so, we came up with Summer. I thought it was a stripper name but Sam said that the room was warmer to him when I smiled. How could I argue with that?<p>

I spent most of my waking time with Sam. He scoured the internet for information about me while systematically trying to awaken some memory from my past. I found out from him that he and Dean were following a lead on Kevin's whereabouts just outside of Douglas, Minnesota, when they found me, unconscious, in an empty barn that had a person sized hole in its rotten roof. I had suffered massive internal injuries and was covered in splinters and scratches but no broken bones, which was strange to say the least. The surgeons removed my spleen and repaired my lacerated liver but my recovery was going well. Neither of them had any idea how I had come to be in their universe.

Dean kept his distance after that night. He would come and sit with me in the evenings, sleeping in the chair by my bed. He rarely talked to me. He would just sit and watch TV or stare out the window, lost in his own thoughts. I could feel the tension rolling off of him in waves. What had happened after our first meeting to cause such hostility? When I finally got the courage to ask Sam about it, all he did was shrug and make his "sturgeon face", which was helpful.

Talking to Sam was a strange experience. I knew pretty much everything about him but he knew nothing about me. So I asked random questions that left him completely stunned most of the time. One afternoon, I started asking about Lilith and setting Lucifer free. Sam was engrossed in his laptop, of course, researching a case he and Dean were working on.

"Sam, may I ask you a question?" I began. I always started a conversation about his past this way.

Looking up from the computer, he replied, as always, "Sure."

"Something just occurred to me. Do you remember the voice mail Dean left you right before Ruby slaughtered Nurse Baby Blood?"

He visibly winced but nodded.

"I know this is a sensitive subject but I think there's something you don't know. Dean did leave you a message, but it wasn't that one."

His eyes widened and he tilted his head to the side, a gesture I knew was a mixture of shock and curiosity. "What?"

"Dean left you a message apologizing for what he said to you. Zachariah changed the message to goad you into killing Lilith. They manipulated you from the jump."

Sam's lips tightened into a thin line and his eyes filled with pain. Of course he knew he was controlled, but he had no idea that Dean tried to mend fences. He lowered his head for a few minutes, staring at the floor. When he raised his head again, there were tear streaks on his cheeks and relief in his eyes. He stood, took two quick strides and kissed me on the forehead with gratitude.

"You will never know how much that means to me to hear what you just said. I would call you an angel but I wouldn't want to insult you." he smiled, "I promise you, no matter what happens, I am going to do everything I can to find out what happened to you."

The statement rang as true as anything Sam Winchester ever says. I didn't doubt for a second that he meant every word.


	5. Chapter 5

The day had finally come. I was being released from the hospital with a relatively clean bill of health. I was still as clueless as I had been when I woke up there but my internal injuries were basically healed. The neurologist had given the boys instructions to try and "jog" my memory by taking me to places that might be familiar. I just smirked. How was I supposed to tell him I was from a different universe where my caretakers were characters from a TV show? That would have landed me in the cracker factory.

Sam decided and Dean concurred that I should stay at the bunker until I was completely healed. They knew it was safe there and I had no arguments. The bunker I saw on TV was cool as hell and as far as I could tell, they didn't know about some of the rooms I knew about already. I couldn't wait to show them the dungeon.

The air outside the hospital was sultry. It had to be late spring or early summer. Rain was threatening as Sam pushed me out the front door. When I saw her sitting by the curb, I sucked in a surprised breath and whispered, "oh my god." I had no idea why it never occurred to me that I would be leaving the hospital in the Impala. Dean opened the rear door and helped me out of the wheelchair into the back seat. She smelled of leather conditioner and gun powder. It was such a wonderful smell that it triggered a brief glimpse of a classic car from my past. I gasped as Sam was climbing into the front seat.

"You ok?" he turned to ask.

I shook my head no and tried to recall more of the memory. Nothing else would come. "I remembered something."

Dean turned also and stared with curiosity. "What was it?"

"I remembered a car. She smelled kinda like Baby. It was a yellow Corvair with black leather bench seats. '67, I think. I was playing in the back seat but she wasn't moving." I sighed with frustration, "There's nothing else. Dammit."

Sam replied soothingly, "Hey. It's ok. At least you remembered something. Try to recall some more detail, not necessarily more of the memory. What were you playing with?"

I closed my eyes and focused, "It was a model car. Bigger than a Hot Wheel. It was a midnight blue '68 Mustang fastback. It was my favorite toy."

"Good taste. You know your cars," Dean said appreciatively.

"Was it during the day or at night? Was it hot, raining maybe?" Sam prodded gently.

"It was daytime and hot. Really hot. The seats were scorching to the touch." I was struggling hard to remember. "I was sitting on an orange, red and brown chevron striped blanket."

"What were you feeling?" Sam asked.

I delved even deeper into the brief vision. "I was happy because I had my car. But I was scared when he started yelling."

Dean, caught up in the moment, questioned, "Who was yelling?"

Opening my eyes, I looked at Sam with fear in my heart, "My dad. He was yelling and I was terrified. That's… that's all I remember."

I didn't want to go any further into the memory so I turned to look out the window, kicked off my shoes and wrapped my arms around my knees. Dean started the car and the gentle rumble of the engine soothed my ragged nerves. I tried to shove the memory back in its box but the sense of fear remained. If this is what my life used to be like, did I really want to remember anymore? With that thought repeating in my mind, I fell asleep with my head against the window.

_A/N: Happy Thanksgiving to my U.S. readers! This chapter is short so there will be a few more to come over the next few days. Be kind to one another and enjoy the pie tomorrow! :)_


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up when the roar of the engine slowed. Dean was pulling over for gas. I rubbed my eyes, stretched, and winced. Sam turned around in the seat, flashed me a half smile, and asked how I was doing.

"Ok, I guess. The back seat is bigger than I expected." I returned the half smile.

Sam gave me a knowing look, "Time for a pain pill?"

"Yeah," I sighed, "staying curled up like that might not have been such a good idea. How long was I asleep?"

Sam shrugged, "About three hours." He got out of the car, opened my door and helped me out. "Stretch your legs. I'll get you some water to take your meds."

"Thanks Sam." I replied with gratitude.

Dean was standing by the back bumper, pumping gas. After gently stretching out the kinks, I turned to look at him. The streetlight played off his profile, causing his hair to glow like a halo. Even in poor, halogen light, he was stunning.

Glancing my way, he nodded and said, "You doin' ok?"

"Yeah, Dean. I'm fine. Just a little sore." The silence was awkward. I turned to look at the Impala. She was so beautiful. Stroking the quarter panel, I muttered under my breath, "She's an amazing machine. Pretty much the only lady you could ever count on to be there, no matter what."

He looked up in surprise. Of course I knew how Dean felt about Baby. She was the only woman he would ever truly love. She never let him down. And I was glad he had her to fall back on.

"The mixture is a little rich. There's a slight flutter in the carb," I commented to no one in particular.

"Yeah, I'm gonna work on it when I get her back to the bunker," Dean answered, "Wait, how did you know that?"

I smirked at him, "I have ears, Dean. It's not rocket science."

He tilted his head and smiled, like he does when he's impressed. He inhaled as though he was going to say something else but Sam returned with my water. Nice timing, Sammy, I thought. Dean was finished filling up so Sam helped me back into the car. He handed me a bottle of water and a pain pill over the seat. I gulped it down and was settling in to take another nap when I heard Dean slam the trunk closed. He opened the rear door and handed me two blankets. I accepted them gratefully as the night air had gotten chilly. I wrapped myself up and lay down across the back seat, using the folded blanket as a pillow. Even through the fabric, I could still feel the vibration of the Impala rumbling up the road against my cheek. Better than being rocked in a cradle. I closed my eyes and drifted peacefully into a deep sleep.

_A/N: Sorry this chapter is so short. I had forgotten that in the beginning that I wrote these as little blurbs. I'll continue releasing the little ones one per day until I get to the longer chapters. :) And again, if you are enjoying, please review. Thank you! _


	7. Chapter 7

I woke to the morning sun shining through the window on to my face. I had no clue where we were and honestly, I didn't care. I could have happily spent the rest of my life in that car, crusing the back roads of America.

I sat up, stretched, and was surprised to find Sam driving. Dean was sleeping soundly with his head laid against the back of the seat. He looked so peaceful it was hard to believe that he was the same man who had seen all the evil that accompanied being a hunter.

He didn't look like the same man that had gone to Stanford to get Sam. Admittedly, he was nine years older but his eyes didn't sparkle with mischief anymore, just misery. Yeah, he smiled, but it never reached his eyes. The crinkles around his eyes were deeper, the pain of the life he lead etched into his skin. He put on a good show but I knew things about him Sam didn't even know. I knew he was defeated and I knew it was going to get worse.

They hadn't started the trials to close the gates of hell yet. Dean did not know that Sam was going to take on those trials, not him. He didn't know that those tests would damage Sam to the point that Cas couldn't even heal him. That if the trials were completed, Sam was going to die. I knew that even taking on the trials would ultimately kill Sam. I knew that Dean would take on the Mark of Cain without knowing the terrible consequences and that the Dean I loved would cease to exist.

Then I realized that I did know these things. I knew how this was going to play out. I could stop it. I could point them in the direction that would lead them away from the anguish they were about to go through. I could save Sam and stop the angels from falling from heaven. I could stop Dean from needing the Mark of Cain. I had that power in my hands. Maybe that's why I was here. To stop the boys from taking the path they had taken before. To change the fate of the Winchesters… to change the fate of their world.

Wow, I thought. I need some advice. The only "person" I knew who could help me was Cas. However, I didn't know exactly where we were in the timeline right at that moment. After all, I had changed things already just by being there. I didn't even know if Cas was still in purgatory. I decided that I would glean as much information as I could from Sam when we got to the bunker. I could talk to Sam without having to play twenty questions with Dean.

Then it hit me. I realized that when Cas got out of purgatory, he was being controlled by Naomi. If I were to reveal to him what I knew, I could be in danger from her. Oh shit, I know where the angel tablet and the other half of the demon tablet are. Naomi is just one of the problems I have to worry about.

"Sam," I said quietly, "how long until we get to the bunker?"

He looked in the rearview mirror and smiled, "Couple of hours. You ok?"

I faked a smile and said, "Yeah. Just wondering." Hurry Sam, please hurry.


	8. Chapter 8

When we pulled up to the bunker, I was not surprised to find it looked exactly the same as on the show, except it was actually in Kansas instead of Canada. Again, Sam helped me out of the car and inside. Their sense of relief at being home was palpable. I had to admit knowing I was safe was making me feel a lot better. I understood I had to come clean about what I knew but I was still unsure what to do about it. Then there was the issue of not knowing who I was. Yeah, that was definitely a problem.

Dean decided to make a supply run. "Anything special you would like, Summer?"

"I honestly have no idea, Dean. As long as you have hard liquor I think I am good."

He smiled, shrugged on his jacket and walked out the door. I was about to look at the extensive library shelved along the walls when I heard Sam call me.

"Hey Summer! Would you come here for a second?"

I rounded the corner to see Sam standing in front of a closed door. He was looking down and shuffling his feet.

"This is your room. I asked Dean to get you some things that might make you feel at home and he kinda went overboard. So, give him some credit for trying, ok?"

Sam pushed open the door and stepped back so I could go in first. The room was similar to Dean's in dimension and appointment but it honestly looked like a flower shop had exploded inside. There was flowered bedding, flowered wallpaper, flower pictures, flower rugs and flowers in vases. I smiled in spite of myself and realized Dean was simply going on what he knew about women… which was apparently nothing. I guess that year he spent with Lisa was a complete waste. Even though the room looked hideous, it smelled wonderful, like honeysuckle. I inhaled deeply and was overtaken by a vivid memory.

It was humid and the light was fading. I was taking honeysuckle buds and wrapping them into a crown. Over the sound of the crickets and cicadas, I heard a female voice yell, "Dana! Time for dinner!" and I laid my crown on the grass. Jumping up, I began to run toward a red brick house. For some reason, I stopped and buried my face in my hands, taking in the wonderful aroma of the sticky, sweet flowers and started running again.

Coming back from the memory, Sam was at my side, grasping my elbow to steady me. He led me to the bed and although covered in loud fabric, it was surprisingly comfortable. I filled him in on what I had remembered. Again, he prompted but I could remember nothing else.

"At least we have a name to work with. Suits you better than Summer anyways." he smiled. "Dean's back so I am going to go help."

I smiled at him wryly, "In other words, you are going to fill Dean in on what happened and then decide your next move?"

Sam had the good sense to look slightly mollified, "Yeah, basically."

"When you come back to check on me, bring me something alcoholic, ok?" I smirked.

He smiled a half smile, brushed the hair off his forehead and walked down the hall, leaving me to think.

* * *

><p>When I heard footsteps a little later on, I thought Sam was finally returning with my drink but it was Dean instead, carrying a bouquet of wildflowers in a vase.<p>

"I thought you might like some fresh flowers instead of the plastic ones, "he grinned.

I blushed and put down the book I was reading, "That was thoughtful of you, Dean." He set the flowers down on the desk. I also saw that he had a bottle and two glasses in his hand.

"Drink?" he asked while showing me the bottle of Jack. I nodded. He handed me a comfortably sized tumbler of whiskey.

I gestured to the end of the bed, "Seat?" He gracefully plopped down next to me and we clinked our glasses.

"To?" Dean asked.

I thought about it for a second and answered, "To new friendships, to surfacing memories, to good whiskey and comfortable mattresses."

"Here, here," Dean agreed. His expression changed and I knew he was curious about that afternoon's revelation. "Sam told me you remembered something."

"Yeah, it had to have been from my early childhood. I was playing outside and I am guessing my mother called me for dinner. It was the smell of honeysuckle that triggered the memory."

Dean took a swig of his drink and looked at the floor, "Yeah, I'm sorry about that."

"Why are you sorry? Thanks to that smell, I know my name." I smiled at his profile.

"Dana," he said quietly. Hearing him say my name made my insides go to jelly. "I like it. Summer is a stripper name."

"That's what I said!" I laughed.

"Do you like the room? I might have gone a little overboard."

I looked around me and yes, it was just a bit much but in truth, I loved it. I loved it because he tried and he tried for me. "It's wonderful, Dean. I appreciate the effort."

When he looked up at me, a spark passed between us. He looked down again, cleared his throat, and stood. Dean knew there was something developing between us but, being Dean, he was resisting. And that was ok with me. I wasn't going anywhere. Besides, just being near him was enough.

"I'm going to let you rest," he pointed to the intercom, "Just call if you need anything."

I gave him a genuine smile. "Thank you. Good night, Dean."

"Night," he muttered and closed the door behind him.


	9. Chapter 9

I couldn't sleep, no matter what I did. Don't get me wrong, the bed was really comfy but I could not shut off my brain. It kept going in circles. After an hour of tossing and turning, I thought a bath might be a good idea. There was an impressive assortment of bubble baths sitting on top of the dresser. I picked a lavender scented one and headed for the communal bathroom.

The bathroom in the bunker was just huge. It was more of a locker room than a bathroom but there were big, claw footed tubs that were begging to be filled. I started the one closest to the door so I could see who might come in. As the tub filled with hot water, I went back to my room for a drink and a razor. Sam had lent me one of his because Dean had forgotten that females get furry too. As I was leaving my room, I saw a fluffy robe hanging on the door knob of the closet. It hadn't noticed it before. It was fuchsia with white polka dots and so very soft. I stripped out of Sam's t-shirt and my underwear, sliding the robe over my shoulders with a sigh. It was glorious.

I hurried back to the bathroom to make sure the tub didn't overflow. The huge space smelled of lavender. I relaxed instantly. Climbing into the bubble filled water, my thoughts stilled. The liquor burned wonderfully all the way to my stomach. The water and whiskey warmed my blood and made me drowsy.

I was in a car, the passenger's seat. A man was driving. He was tall, dirty blonde hair, handsome with an amazing smile and we were laughing. Then out of nowhere, there was a loud crash and I felt glass cutting across my face. I heard screaming coming from a distance and the noise was coming from me. I looked over at the man driving and realized that from the odd angle of his neck that he was dead. The screaming started again but it was from even further away.

Awakening with a start, I was still in the tub at the bunker but the water had grown cold. My breathing was erratic, my pulse racing. As I was trying to catch my breath and make some sense of what was going on, someone burst through the door, pistol raised.

"Dana! You alright?" Dean yelled tensely, scanning the room for whatever he thought was attacking me.

Looking down, I realized that the bubbles had dissipated. Holy crap! Dean was in the room and I was naked as a jay bird.

Quickly covering as much as I could with my hands, I yelled, "Dean! I'm ok!"

He skidded to a stop when he saw me sitting in the tub. He turned on his heel, blushing slightly.

I was reaching for the stopper to drain the tub when I saw the water was tinged with blood. Seeing the drops hit the water, I soon realized I was bleeding and it was coming from my face.

_A/N: I was really hoping you guys would catch on without my help but it's not really obvious so... here goes. "Dana" is me. My first name IS Dana. This is my way of getting into the world of SPN. The memories "Dana" has been having are my own memories. Now, I am not me as I am now but more of an idealized version of me. At least physically. Hopefully this doesn't turn you off to the story. It's going to keep getting better, I promise. New episode tonight, folks! :D_

_A/N Afterthought: Ok, I just realized that the dream that "Dana" has in the tub didn't actually happen. So I will clarify. MOST of the memories in this story are mine but as it is a work of fiction, I took liberties. Ok... that's settled. Onward and Upward!_


	10. Chapter 10

I was sitting at the end of my bed, Sam kneeling between my legs, trying his best to bandage the shallow cuts that covered my entire face and neck. The damage wasn't too severe but enough to look terrible and scare the boys to death.

"So tell me again what happened." Dean insisted as he paced the room. He did his best thinking while on his feet.

I sighed and launched into the story for the fourth time, "Like I said before, I was in the bathtub and fell asleep. In the dream I was in a car accident. The man in the driver's seat was killed."

"And you're sure you didn't recognize him?"

"Yes, Sam. I am sure. But right before the crash, we were laughing about something as though we knew each other well. I can only assume that this person was somehow special in my life in some way," I sighed.

"If that was just a dream," Dean mused, "why is your face all scratched up?"

"How am I supposed to know? I have absolutely no clue what's going on. All I know is I am tired and my friggin' face hurts. We aren't going to get any answers tonight. I want to go to bed, please."

Sam stood with a look of concern on his face, "I don't think you should be alone. I'll stay in here with you just to be safe."

"Sam, seriously? This bunker is the most warded place on the planet. I will be just fine."

Dean answered, "Yeah, and your face still got all Freddie Krugered. I agree with Sam. Until we know what we are dealing with here, you shouldn't be alone."

I sighed again, "You know what? I am too tired to argue. If you are staying Sam, you had better not snore."

Effectively ending the conversation, I stood and removed my robe, hung it in its place and crawled into bed. Sam crawled in beside me and looked at Dean.

"Turn the light off on your way out, would ya?"

Dean smiled, turned off the light and shut the door behind him.

I turned on my side and looked at Sam in the soft light of the candle I had lit before my bath. His profile left me speechless. A beautiful man by anyone's standards, he was a sculpted Greek god. Too bad my heart belonged to his brother and had for many years. I still had this irresistible urge to be wrapped in his arms. For all my bravado, I felt shaken after the dream. I knew it wasn't a dream. I knew it was a memory. I also knew it was a key to figuring out how I had gotten to where I was and why.

"Sam? May I ask a question without you asking me why?"

Sam looked at me with a perplexed look but nodded slightly.

"Where is Cas in this timeline? I know approximately where I am timewise but not specifically."

"Cas is around. Is that important for you to know?"

I rolled my eyes, "I was simply curious. You indicated that you wouldn't ask questions."

His lips flattened into a line and he again nodded but I could tell he was dying to ask all sorts of things.

"I promise I will fill you both in on the stuff that I know in the morning. I might need to talk to Cas first. We'll see."

"Fair enough." Sam acquiesced.

"This much I will tell you. There is a very strong chance that I know what is going to happen in your immediate future and I might be able to help but I really need some advice on how to precede. Other than Cas, I have no idea who else to turn to", I admitted.

Sam sighed, "Get some sleep. We'll figure it out in the morning. Good night, Dana."

"Sleep sweet, Sam."

* * *

><p>There is a place your mind goes when you are just about to drift off to sleep. Your brain is off its leash and is wandering around, sniffing bushes. In those precious moments, you can find darkness or revelation. It all depends on what bush you investigate. Mine found something even more precious than fear or love. It found truth.<p>

* * *

><p>Creeping out of the bed was a vain attempt not to wake Sam.<p>

"Hey," he says sleepily, "Where you off to?"

I muttered the lamest but believable excuse I could come up with. "I can't sleep, Sam. I am going to the kitchen for some tea. Go back to sleep. I'll yell if I need you."

Sam threw back the covers, "I should come with you."

"No!" I answered a little too loudly, "I just need some relaxation time. Please, Sam, I will be right down the hall and I promise to call if I need you. I need to think."

Sam sighed but I knew he would agree with that sort of logic. "Leave the door open so I can hear and please, don't be too long."

I rolled my eyes but was secretly flattered by the concern I heard in his voice.

"Ok, Sam. You win. I'll be back shortly," I said with a grin. How can you be annoyed with the puppy dog eyes?

Making my way down the hall toward the kitchen, I took a left instead of a right and headed for the library. There was only one being I knew who could help.

"Angel Naomi, my name is Dana and I really need your help."


	11. Chapter 11

"How dare a lowly human call for me?" Naomi stood before me with all the power of an angel, one who knows they hold the upper hand in this situation. She was wearing a dark expensive, tailored suit and a pissed off look. Little did she know that if things played out as they did in my universe, she was dead.

I stood, refusing to grovel to her although I really had no choice. She needed to see that I had confidence in what I was saying.

"You are a servant of Heaven and I prayed to you. That's what gives me the right." My voice sounded stronger than I felt.

Her stance shifted and her arms crossed. She was willing to listen. "Human, you are not from this universe."

I shrugged, "You're right and that's part of the reason I wanted to speak with you. I have knowledge of future events in this timeline that would most assuredly benefit you but in return for this information, I will need the assistance of an angel."

Naomi's eyes narrowed. Her curiosity had the best of her. What could I possibly know?

"Naomi, a chain of events is about to be set in motion here that will bring our worlds, heaven and earth, to their knees. There is much more at stake here than just Angel or Demon Tablets. So much more. But for me to prevent the death of countless humans and angels, I have to have your help. The problem is that if I reveal too much to you, too soon, it could be just as disastrous."

"You know where the Angel Tablet is?" I definitely had her attention now.

"Yes, I know where it is. But the fact of the matter is, that tablet doesn't mean squat in comparison to what is coming, what could happen. But things need to happen in the right order or this all blows up into war, angel and humanity included. Can you understand that I can't tell you everything, not just yet?"

She lowered her arms, "Yes, I can understand. I can also sense that your intentions are sincere."

"Naomi, it's no longer about power. It's about saving Heaven and closing the gates of Hell, forever. I promise you that the Angel Tablet will not fall into Crowley's hands and if everything happens as I hope it does, you will never have to worry about Hell again. Right now, I need one thing from you. I need you to let Castiel go. Having him under your control will cause you problems and will not get you the Angel Tablet any faster than working with me will. The Winchesters need him and battling against them will serve you no purpose. Call off your angel buddies, work with me and we will both accomplish our goals."

"You seem to know exactly what you are doing. Why should I trust you?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes, "Aside from the fact that I am from another universe? Well, I know where both tablets are and I have knowledge of the future. I am about the best partner you can have right now. The Winchesters don't know about you. Hell, Cas doesn't even know about you at this point. I'll keep your identity a secret, for the time being. As this progresses, I will provide you with information on an as needed basis and I promise you, you will get the tablets returned to Heaven, where they should be, and the gates of Hell will be closed forever. What more do you want?"

"Dana? Dana… you ok?" Sam's voice drifted up the hallway.

"Go! Please! I'll pray for you when I figure everything out. Thank you for coming."

A smile played across her lips and the flap of wings signaled her departure just before Sam came into the room, gun pointed in front of him. Turning to face him, I tried my best not to smile at my progress.

"Didn't you hear me calling you? I asked you to come right back." He lowered his weapon and gave me the Sam Winchester bitch face. Being the recipient of it wasn't nearly as cute as it was on TV.

I lowered my head, looking appropriately chastised. I followed him back to my room and crawled into bed. Laying there, listening to Sam's light breathing, I realized that I was going to be able to save him. I was going to be able to save both of them, really. For the first time since I had woken up in the hospital, I felt relaxed and drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

><p>I woke in Sam's arms with my head cradled on his chest. I had always thought cuddling with Sam would be like snuggling with a slab of concrete but his firm muscles gave gently under my cheek. I felt safe there but no romantic feelings rose for Sam in my heart. There never had been any. Dean had always held my heart and always would. Uh oh, I hope Sam wasn't feeling anything toward me. That would complicate things more than they already were. I tried to turn over without waking him. I have no idea what I was thinking because the Winchesters can go from sleeping to awake in an instant.<p>

"Hey, you ok?" Sam said sleepily.

"Sam," I muttered angrily, "if you ask me that one more time, I am going to punch you in the throat."

He had the nerve to grin at me and proceeded to stretch his enormous frame. "How'd you sleep?"

I shrugged, "Pretty good actually. Best I have slept in a while, aside from when I was drugged. You?"

He also shrugged, "You snore but it was nice to sleep next to someone. It's been a while."

Uh oh. "Why did I wake up in your arms?" I asked hesitantly.

"Cause you called me 'Baby' and rolled over on to me sometime early morning. You were sleeping so soundly I decided not to argue."

I laughed out loud. I couldn't help myself. "Sam, no offense, but I don't think I was referring to you. I like you and all and well, look at you, I mean, damn, but I don't think of you in that way."

Sam smiled, "I am well aware of how you feel. You also called me Dean."

Oh shit. I gasped and felt the blush from the tips of my ears to the soles of my feet. "Oh Sam, I am SO sorry."

"Dana, I'm neither blind nor stupid. You ask me all kinds of questions about him and when you think no one is looking, you stare at him like a love struck puppy."

My shame knew no bounds. "Oh God, Sam… do you think he knows?"

"Are you kidding? When it comes to stuff like that, Dean is oblivious. However, I think he likes you."

I suspected the same thing but the news still settled in my stomach like a stone.

"What makes you think that, Sam?"

"Well," he shrugged, "he insisted on sitting with you at night at the hospital. And making you 'feel at home' here in the bunker was his idea. He even hung the wallpaper himself. Not the kinds of things Dean does when he's not interested in someone."

I took a second to mull over the new information. Dean likes me. I suspected as much by the way he was acting but I didn't think it was the kind of like that might turn into something more. Oh wow… something _more_ with Dean Winchester. The concept made me feel faint. My subconscious reminded me that even though he might want it, he thinks he can't have it. Don't push him. Let him come to you and see what happens.

Looking at Sam I realized he'd been sitting there, watching the wheels turn in my head.

"Sam, please don't say anything to him. I don't want to spook him. I know how Dean is and he'll run screaming if he thinks there is any chance of something happening between us. Besides, I still don't know if there is something or someone waiting for me in my universe."

Wow. That was a new consideration. What if there was someone who was waiting on me there? Part of me knew that if there had been someone there, he was the one who died in that car accident. Pain lanced through my heart. That's the only thing that makes sense. The blonde man with the beautiful smile had been my someone there. And he was gone.

As the tears pooled in my eyes, Sam put his arm around me and tucked my head under his chin. He had already come to the conclusion that I just had. I leaned into his shoulder and let myself cry. The man from the car's face swam in my vision and I wept for the loss of love that I would never have again.

_A/N: The man in "Dana's" dream is my husband who, I am happy to say, is very much alive. Truthfully, I couldn't write this little fantasy for myself without feeling like I was cheating so... Yeah. For those of you concerned about the length of the chapters, please understand I never intended to publish this so I was unconcerned about word count. I will still continue to release chapters once a day and try to get ahead so there won't be a delay. Thank you all again for reading. :)_


	12. Chapter 12

The roof of the bunker was a tiny affair considering it's a bunker and all but it was an excellent place to go and contemplate the universe, literally. Coming to the realization that my reason for being in my own universe was gone was sobering. Just from the few seconds I remembered, what I had with him was real and only happened once in a lifetime. Did I want to go back to a place where that was lost? Who knows? I might have also died in the accident that claimed his life as well. Maybe there was nothing for me to go back to. All of these theories lead me back to the conclusion that I was there to change things for the Winchesters. Of all places to land, I wound up in the timeline of a TV show that I know like the back of my own hand _before_ some serious shit goes down. There are coincidences in the universe and there are reasons. I knew without a doubt that I landed here to stop all the anguish and to set the boys on a different path. Would it be a better path? Who knows? But it would be a path where the Winchesters wouldn't have to deal with demons anymore. I was kind of hoping that the angels would take their shit to Heaven and keep it there but I couldn't count on that. Just getting my hands on Metatron would be enough for me. I wasn't relishing taking on the trials but putting an angel blade in Metatron's neck was going to be worth all the anguish. My palms actually tingled at the idea of taking that son of a bitch out.

My rapidly growing blood lust was interrupted by footsteps. Expecting Sam, I turned and looked much higher than I needed to. It was Dean who stood above me, holding two cups of coffee.

"Hey," he said simply.

"Hi," I replied, suddenly feeling shy. Realizing that we were connecting made all the feelings more intense. Not to mention I happen to know the man inside and out and he knew nothing about me. Hell, I knew nothing about me.

"You doin' ok?" he asked quietly, sitting down beside me and handing me a mug.

I took the cup and sipped gratefully. I may know nothing about me but he knew that I took my coffee light and sweet. It made me smile.

"Yeah, Dean, I'm alright, I guess." I knew Sam had told him about this morning. My revelation had put a damper on everyone's mood.

He sighed and said, "This has to be tough on you. Finding out things about yourself in bits and pieces. And so far none of them has been good news. I'm sorry about your… friend."

"Thanks, Dean. It wasn't pleasant to discover but it did put some pieces in place for me."

He quirked an eyebrow at me, "How so?"

"More than likely, my death in my own universe is what pushed me here. Why I don't remember anything from there doesn't make much sense but maybe I'm not supposed to remember any of it? Maybe I am supposed to make a fresh start here. It would be nice to have a past but honestly, that stuff can just weigh you down. I am connected to you and Sam somehow. And I think I might know why but I don't want to talk about it too much just yet. Knowledge can be dangerous."

"Yeah, I get that," he nodded. "And I agree that you are connected to us. That would be the only explanation as to why you know us and our history. Just wish we knew about you. It's kinda weird to have a conversation with someone who knows about you but has no frame of reference in their own life." He smiled and it was tinged with sympathy.

"I do have a favor to ask," he said suddenly.

"Anything, Dean."

"Well, you mentioned there was a flutter in the carb of the Impala. Sammy is doing research and I need someone to hold the flashlight. Would you mind?"

I smiled broadly. I knew he was trying to cheer me up and I appreciated it. Besides, he was asking me to help him work on Baby. Of course I would hold the flashlight. I'd hold whatever he needed me to.

* * *

><p>Down in the garage, I'd spent the better part of the morning staring at a pair of legs sticking out from under a '67 Impala. The tuning of the carb had taken no time at all so Dean decided to change the oil. We had discovered that I could sing along with most of the classic rock songs playing on the radio, which to Dean was a good sign and that I knew what a socket wrench was, also a good sign. When he scooted out from under the engine on a crawler, he pointed to the box on the shelf next to my head and asked me to hand him the oil filter, I grabbed the box, opened it. Staring down at the orange cylindrical filter, my vision got fuzzy and my knees buckled.<p>

I was holding a similar filter, orange and round. I was outside on a warm, lovely day. The hood was popped on a black '02 Mustang. She was on jack stands. I smelled the oil in my nostrils and it was all over the front of my coveralls. My hands were also covered with the dark liquid. I dabbed my finger in a green quart bottle and smeared the gasket of the filter with clean oil. Reaching into the engine compartment, I slipped the filter in and screwed it into place. I yelled toward the house, "Almost done!"

The man from my dream came out of the door with that same beautiful smile beaming across his face.

"You did it! You changed your own oil! I knew you could do it!"

"Well, I'm not finished. But yeah, I can and I did!"

"Baby, you are going to make a great mechanic."

Coming back to reality, Dean had his arm around my shoulders. I was kneeling on the garage floor, staring at the oil filter in my hands. I looked up at him, trying to gather my scattered thoughts.

"You back with me?" Dean asked looking concerned.

I nodded and handed him the filter.

"You remembered something?"

"Yeah," I answered shakily, "I am a mechanic."


	13. Chapter 13

I was tucked under the hood of a sweet little roadster, tightening the timing chain when I heard Dean calling me to lunch. The garage of the bunker had become my second home with the revelation that I was a mechanic in my own universe. Not only had I remembered what I did for a living, I remembered the knowledge that came with the title. Having a purpose was more cathartic that I could have possibly realized. The garage was full of cars that just needed a little tender, loving care and I had nothing else better to do until the boys caught scent of the trials of their own accord. Kevin hadn't gotten the info off the tablets yet and I was upsetting their timeline enough as it was. Besides, the time with the boys was wonderful. Sam was so funny and quick to smile and Dean was becoming my best buddy. Now that we could talk cars, there wasn't much else we talked about. He was disappointed to hear I was a Ford girl but my appreciation for Baby and that I had a Baby of my own gave us lots to talk about. I knew a lot about cars but I couldn't talk about the cars in my life much. My "Baby" had been the Mustang whose oil was getting changed and I knew quite a bit about her. Dean and I talked about the suspension and what a complete bitch the engine overhaul had been. He felt more like a friend than ever and the feeling was natural.

When I pulled my head out of under the hood, Dean was holding a plate with a beautiful looking sandwich wrapped in plastic on it.

"I thought you might be getting hungry. I don't know if you realize but it's after two."

I gasped as I took the plate from his hand, "Wow. Seriously? I have been really wrapped up in this one. Friggin timing chain was on so loose it was practically falling off. Would have been a crime to not get her running. I'm gonna try cranking her after lunch. Wanna assist?"

"Sorry. Sam and I have caught a case. We're leaving in about an hour or so. You sure you will be ok here by yourself?" Dean said with concern.

"Dean, how many times do I have to tell you that I will be fine? Cas is a call away and we have a car lift in the garage. What kinds of trouble could I possibly get myself into?" I winked at him.

I was treated to a full on, megawatt Dean Winchester smile which was a better treat than the sandwich, which was delicious.

"Should I come along with you guys? Maybe you could use some back up?"

Along with talking cars, Dean had been teaching me the finer points of defending myself in case something happened. I was turning into an excellent shot and had managed to take Sam down once in hand to hand combat. I didn't want to be a hunter. I wasn't going to live long enough to be of use in that area but I was hoping the training the boys was giving me could help me live long enough to survive the trials.

"Nah. I think we can manage without you. We have been doing this a while, you know?" he winked.

He winked. I got a smile and a wink in the same conversation. Was it my birthday?

"Look," he started, "I am not crazy about leaving you here either but at least here you are safe from anything that might be looking for you. If you have another "dream", call and we'll get you some help, ok?" He put his hands on my shoulders and squatted so he could look me in the eye.

I nodded, suddenly choked up. I didn't want him to go. Being with him the last few days had been a dream in and of itself and I was afraid what we had wouldn't be there when he got back.

"Hey," he said softly. He tilted my chin up with his finger and looked me in the eye. He leaned in and kissed me on the top of the head. "Get my garage clean before we get back, k?"

I giggled at his kindness and familiarity. Maybe there was something there after all. And that was why I had to save him, even if it meant my own death.

* * *

><p>The bunker was lonely without them. Cas popped in from time to time to check on me, at Dean's insistence, but there was nothing to report. No new memories and no dreams. Sam had still been sleeping in my bed and it was empty without him. On the upside, the beautiful set of cars in the garage kept me content as well as the extensive library and big bath tubs. I soaked and read for hours. I also put a hurting on Dean's whiskey supply. The mixture of good literature and bad whiskey helped the sleep come.<p>

The third night the boys were away, a dream happened. I was standing in the exam room of a veterinarian's office. I was crying so hard I could not take a breath. In my arms was a small, black cat swathed in a dark blue blanket. It was obvious this beautiful cat was dead. I laid her on the stainless steel exam table and kissed her sweet head goodbye.

Startling myself awake from the awful dream my pillow was wet and I still clutched a swatch of the blue blanket in my hand. What the hell was going on?


	14. Chapter 14

"Cas, what is going on?"

He sat stiffly on the edge of my bed, holding the tattered swatch of the blanket in his fingers. He looked perplexed. How is it possible for me to have a physical manifestation of the dream I was having _in my hands_?

Naomi had released Cas from her control, per our agreement and he was helping the Winchesters when I called out for him. His response was quick as he was asked to listen for my prayers. I told him about the dream and then showed him the blanket scrap.

"I am not certain what is occurring here, Dana, but I will endeavor to find out. Let me consult some other angels to ascertain if they have any knowledge of the situation. May I also take this piece of blanket with me?"

I hesitated. The cat in my dream had been quite dear to me and although the dream was very sad it was also beautiful. That scrap of fabric was all I had from my previous life and I wasn't eager to let it out of my sight.

"Yes, Cas. But please take care of it and return it as soon as you are able. It means a lot to me."

"Understood. I will return when I can. Please call if you need anything else." And with a flutter, he was gone.

Just after he left, my cell phone rang. "Hello?"

A gruff voice replied, "Hey. You ok?"

In spite of my raw emotions, I smiled at the sound of his voice, "Yeah, Dean. I'm alright."

"Cas still there?" he asked.

"No," I replied, "He left just a minute or two ago. He was going to check with some other angels to see if they had any ideas as to what is going on."

"Do you need us to come back?" There was hesitancy in his voice. I knew if I said yes, they would be back in a flash but there were people dying and that was something that the Winchester's didn't take lightly.

"No, Dean, I'll be fine. No bloodshed this time. You have people to save and I can deal with a tear stained pillow."

He sighed. I could tell he was torn and I shouldn't have mentioned the tears. "If you need us, call, ok? I'll call you in the morning to check on you."

"Good Night, Dean." and I pressed end on the keypad. I was on the verge of asking them to come back and I didn't want to be weak. It was just a dream. I corrected myself. It couldn't have been just a dream. I had brought physical evidence again back from the "dream". What was going on?

* * *

><p>Sleep eluded me the rest of the night. There was no way I was going to voluntarily close my eyes and risk feeling that pain again. So, turning to my other favorite past time, I stripped off my pajamas and went down the hall to the bathroom, turning the tap on my usual claw footed tub. I used some floral scented bubble bath to soothe my ragged nerves. As was my routine, I padded back to the library to select a book and pour myself a drink. Even though the Men of Letters were primarily into paranormal research, their library of fiction was quite impressive.<p>

Seeing a title on the shelf that caught my attention, _The Secret Garden_ by Francis Hodgson Burnett, I pulled it off and turned it to the front cover. Seeing the artwork there, my knees buckled. Before my eyes, I saw myself pull the book out of a small bookcase and turn it over to see a paperback version with the same artwork. I walked to a big bed and lay down on my stomach with the book in front of me. The memory ended with me opening the book to chapter 1 and beginning to read.

Coming back from the memory, I found myself on the floor of the library, on my stomach with the book in front of me. The knap of the rug had left an imprint on my cheek. How long I had been there, I had no idea.

I stood and walked toward the bathroom. Upon hearing the tub overflowing, I quickened my pace. I turned off the taps and went directly to my bedroom to call Cas.

"We're on our way," Sam said to me from the other end of the call.

"Sam, there's no need. Please finish the case. There is nothing you can do here."

Cas had filled them in on what was going on and the boys did not want me to be alone anymore.

"Dana, that's two memories in less than an hour. You expect us to just leave you there?"

"Yes, Sam, that's exactly what I expect you to do. Having you here changes nothing. I am in no danger and even if I were, you couldn't stop it. Cas is at my beck and call if I need anything. Have him babysit me if it makes you feel better. Honestly, it's nice to have some blanks filled in." I wasn't about to let them know just how scared I really was.

He sighed. It reminded me of the same sigh Dean had breathed just a couple of hours before. "We will wrap this up as fast as we can. Please stay safe, ok?"

"You too, please. Come back in one piece." I didn't know the specific case they were on but I did know that they were unharmed directly after so my worries were unfounded. Kevin was going to tell them about the trails right after they got back so my time was coming.

"Will do." and Sam was gone. I sighed out loud. I missed him just about as much as I did Dean. Having Sam's warm body in my bed was soothing beyond compare. Loving him would be so easy if it weren't for his wise cracking, heart stopping big brother.


	15. Chapter 15

Cas was waiting for me, sitting in an armchair in the library when I wandered out in the morning.

"Do you have any news for me?"

Cas stood and replied, "Yes. Through questioning my fellow angels we have determined that you are not having 'dreams'. You are visiting the plane of existence that you came from and bringing back pieces of it with you."

I slid into the chair that Cas was just occupying. I had come to the same conclusion but hearing it from him left me stunned.

"Do you think I am trying to go back there and am not able to? Or are the two worlds just colliding?"

Cas squatted in front of me so we could be at eye level. "I don't know. I think it would be a good idea if I were to stay with you until you have another one of these episodes so that I can determine the exact nature of the link between the worlds."

"I can agree to that but do you have to be in the same room because I don't like the idea of you watching me sleep. It's bad enough Sam has to be there."

"No, I can simply be in the bunker. I would not want to make you uncomfortable." This Cas had not been human yet so he was still awkward with personal interactions. It was endearing and adorable.

I smiled at him. "Thank you, Cas."

"I will be here in the library should anything come to pass. Please, go about your day as you normally would."

Smiling at him yet again, "Cas, would you like to learn how to change the oil in a car?"

* * *

><p>I didn't hear the rumble of the Impala until the garage door was already being raised. My boys here home and I was thrilled to see them. I squirmed out from under the car I was working on and raced toward the other end of the bunker. When Sam extracted himself awkwardly from the passenger's side of the Impala, I threw my arms around him. They'd only been gone a few days but it felt like weeks and I was so glad they were there. Sam seemed surprised by the show of affection but returned the hug warmly.<p>

Glancing at Dean unfolding himself from his beloved car with catlike grace had a different effect on me than I was expecting. It took my breath away. It was like seeing him for the first time. He saw me hugging Sam and raised his eyebrow at me questioningly. I walked the few steps to the driver's side and wrapped my arms around him as well, burying my face in his neck, inhaling the leather and sweat smell that was all Dean. Much to my surprise, he held me to him tightly, making sure I was ok. His fingers dug into my shoulders and he stooped to bury his nose in my hair. It felt like I was hugging a lover, not a friend. And feeling his erection press into my hip confirmed that suspicion. He let me go and put me at arm's length, looking up and down, checking to make sure I was ok. I did the same to him just so I could look at him thoroughly. His smile was genuine and reached his eyes. He took my breath from my chest again. Although I didn't look my best, my face was almost healed and even though my coveralls were caked in grease, I was fine. Just really glad to see him. He was home, with me.

* * *

><p>I made a huge dinner to welcome them back. Unbeknownst to me, I could cook. I went to the kitchen the day before to make myself something to eat and a memory hit me out of nowhere. I was in a small, well appointed kitchen, making complicated sandwiches for a throng of friends. They had goat cheese, ham and spices wrapped in tortillas.<p>

"This tastes amazing, Dana."

"You should really be a chef, girl."

The warmth of the memory spread from the crown of my scalp to the tips of my toes. And I decided then that I liked to cook. So I made a spread fit for royalty for the boys. I made two different types of pasta, salad and cherry pie for dessert. To say the boys were impressed was an understatement.

"I didn't know you could cook," Sam stated, helping himself to his third plate of pesto tortellini.

I laughed at him, "Neither did I. I had another memory yesterday and this cooking thing happened."

A look of concern crossed Dean's face.

"Cas, you didn't tell me she had another memory."

Cas was quietly sitting at the table with us, sampling the food to be polite.

"I didn't say anything because it was simply a memory. There was no crossing of universes."

I sighed, "Dean. Don't scold Cas. I told him not to run off and interrupt what you were doing for something trivial."

"Nothing that happens to you is trivial to me," Dean said quietly and then looked mortified. I guess he missed me as much as I missed him.


	16. Chapter 16

Seeing as I cooked, Cas and Sam offered to clean up. Dean wanted a shower. So, I climbed the little ladder to the roof. The stars were out, and I needed a little while to think about things. It was becoming obvious that Dean was falling as hard as I already had. I'd been in love with him for years but having him where I could touch him was presenting a problem. Everything was so intense. He'd been a part of my life for so long and now he was real and in front of me. I had spent time dreaming of touching his hands, gazing into his eyes, and now I had done those things. And it was real clear he wanted me in the same way. But I was here to do a job. That job was going to get me killed, and I would leave him. Should I let this go any further? I didn't want him to hurt because of me. I knew when Dean fell, he fell hard and I couldn't let his heart get broken as surely as I couldn't let Sam die or to allow Dean to become a demon. What was I going to do?

No sooner had I thought the words when I heard the roof hatch open. His steps across the roof were quiet. I heard the clink of glass at my right. I looked up to see him holding two glasses of whiskey.

"I see you put a hurtin' on my supplies while the 'rents were out of town."

I smirked, "Sorry about that. When you enter another dimension in your dreams, it's hard to talk your brain into actually sleeping. It helps."

He sat next to me. "I can understand that. No worries. I'll make a supply run tomorrow."

I could feel the heat coming from his upper arm. He smelled like soap and leather. I absently wondered if he always smelled that way. One little shift and we would be touching. Just a small move…

"You made a lot of progress in the garage while we were gone. You even got Cas a little dirty."

I laughed, "I figured he was bored just sitting there so I decided to get him involved. He knows the host of heaven. He should at least know how to do an oil change."

Dean laughed, throwing his head back, "I wish I could have seen that. Cas with his feet dangling out from under that roadster."

"You should have seen his shirt when he forgot to put the pan under the drain. I almost fainted when he 'dry cleaned' himself. I knew he could do it but it is something else when it happens in front of you."

Again he chuckled but then he sobered, taking a long drink from his glass, "How are you holding up?"

Sighing, I answered with care, "I'm not sure, Dean. These memories are starting to come back faster. Then there's the visiting another universe thing. And I'm dealing with being in a universe I thought was fictional and dealing with people that I know better than I know myself. It's a very strange situation."

Dean closed the distance and put his hand on my knee, "Yeah, this is one messed up situation. You are doing great, by the way."

I covered his hand with mine, relishing the contact, "Thank you. I am trying to make the best of this because I really don't have a whole lot of choice in the matter."

"That's true," he chuckled again. It was good to see him smile. Remembering Crowley telling Dean to open his eyes and they were black as coal caused me to shudder.

"You cold?" He shrugged off his over shirt and draped it over my shoulders. Who knew Dean Winchester had a chivalrous side?

"Thanks," I answered. I was actually a little warm but I wouldn't take that shirt off if you paid me. I took another large swig of my drink. Feeling bold, I opened my mouth and let the words flow.

"You have to stop thinking you aren't important, Dean. You have no idea how important you are. You have a good heart, Dean Winchester. And I know you better than a lot of people. Stop beating yourself up for being what we all are, human. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt sometimes and ease up, ok?"

He lifted his gaze and his eyes were soft. I couldn't help myself. I reached out and caressed his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into my touch. What was I doing? I was going to leave him. How could I love him and be one of a long line of people who had left him? I had to stop this, now.

I dropped my hand. He opened his eyes, startled.

"I'm getting chilly. I'm going to go back in. Thank you for the talk." With determination, I got up and walked away.

He stood and caught my arm and turned me to his chest. He lifted my chin and kissed me passionately.

And I let myself kiss him back. How could I not? He was Dean Winchester… the man I loved.

I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him against me. He was firm and soft, all at the same time. His strong arms pinned me against his body, and he rested his hands in the small of my back.

Realizing what was going on, I tried halfheartedly to pull away but he held my cheeks in his calloused hands, licking my bottom lip, asking for entrance. Losing myself in the kiss, in him, I opened my mouth and allowed him to take control. His hands were everywhere, on my back, my face, my waist, leaving hot, tingly trails across my sensitive skin. I wound my hands into the hair at the nape of his neck, still damp from his shower, crushing myself against him.

When his hands wandered under my shirt and his lips trailed down my jaw to my neck, I came to my senses and shoved him away.

I took a couple of steps back and shook my head to clear it. I couldn't let him get hurt. No, no matter how much I wanted him.

"Dean… this, you and me, it can't happen."

"Why not?" he asked me, looking confused. His hair was all mussed. His eyes were blown wide with lust, and I swear he looked a little hurt. It took monumental effort to stay where I was.

"Why not? Because I love you, you idiot! I have loved you for years and I can't hurt you! I refuse to be another person who hurts you!"

I climbed down the ladder to the bunker, tears rolling down my cheeks. He did not follow.

_A/N: Thank you all SO much for reading! It means a lot. Just wanted to let you guys know that I am going to be posting chapters twice a week, on Wednesdays and Saturdays, from now on. I am quickly approaching the point where I don't have pre-written chapters and I don't want to keep you waiting for long. And now that I will be writing for an audience, I promise the chapters will be longer. :) Thank you again for taking time to read and let me know how you like it! :)_


	17. Chapter 17

Sam slept in his room because Cas was in the bunker and I was grateful. I couldn't stop crying. All I could ever remember wanting was Dean. He offered himself to me, and I rejected him. What was I doing? But I wasn't going to use him and then go and die on him. Why should I give him yet another reason to hate himself? This was impossible. I loved him so much but I loved him enough to know when I should stay away. I wanted to go to his room, wrap myself around him, and stay there forever. I wanted him to feel what I felt and for him to know that he did deserve to be loved, especially by someone who really knew him. Let's be honest. Lisa loved what she knew, but I know everything. I know things even Sam doesn't know. And I didn't love him in spite of it; I loved him because of it. I knew he had tortured in hell. I knew the things he had done in the name of saving the world. I even knew what he would have done had I not changed things. And I still loved and adored him.

Maybe that was the point. Yes, finishing the trials and saving the Winchesters was going to kill me but Dean would still feel the love I have for him. Yes it would hurt that I was gone but I had the chance to tell him why I was doing it. I had time to show him what love I had in my heart. Surely loving him and allowing him to feel that couldn't be a bad thing. It might even be another part of the reason I was there. Not just to save the Winchesters physically but to save Dean emotionally. To show him he was worthy of love. Of course! My tears stopped immediately and I wanted to seek him out. To kiss him until the world burned down around us. I leapt from my bed intent on grabbing my robe when something occurred to me. I told Dean I loved him. Talk about a mood killer. Dean was terrified of any sort of commitment and I just handed it to him on a silver platter. Damn! Maybe running to him right now wasn't such a good idea. I'd wait until the morning and see how things played out before I confessed anything more. I climbed back into my comfy bed with a smile on my face, fantasizing about how good the first time was going to be.

* * *

><p>I awoke to a quiet bunker. I had risen early to make the boys breakfast and because I was eager to repair the damage I had done to mine and Dean's relationship. There was a note on the library table from Sam saying that Kevin had news for them and that they would be back soon. I knew Kevin was going to tell them about the trials, and that the first one was to bathe in the blood of a hell hound. My time had run out. It was time to talk to Naomi.<p>

She stood in front of me radiating the same kind of power as before but with a different attitude. She was compliant, which was making me a little nervous. I suppose she had verified what I had told her earlier and was eager to get her hands on the angel and demon tablets.

"Naomi, thank you for coming. The time has come for me to ask you for your help."

"I have already released Castiel. What else is it that you need from me?"

Taking a deep breath, I revealed my hand, "I need you to help me kill a hellhound."

* * *

><p>The boys were working as ranch hands in Idaho. They had discovered demon activity approximately ten years ago near the Cassity Farm in Shoshone, and the family had discovered oil where there was none. It was the best lead they had on finding a hellhound. I already knew they would find a hellhound there and that Sam was going to start the trials, not Dean. What I was having a hard time deciding was when to intervene. The first victim was Carl Granville, husband of Alice Cassity, the owner of the ranch. He had made a deal to win the love of Alice.<p>

The second attack was on Margot Cassity, the youngest daughter, turns out to be the one that made the deal for the family to strike oil. Sam eventually kills the hound while it is after Ellie, the property manager. She made a deal to save her mother from Parkinson's disease. I didn't want any of these people to die, and it would be simple to have an angel bounce me in undetected, and gank the hound, but how much of the timeline should I change? I wanted to save people, no doubt, but time is fragile and anything I changed would have consequences. So, I made the decision to act the same time Sam did, and have the natural order preserved as much as possible.

Naomi had assigned one of her agents to be my mode of transport. She had also ordered stunt angel number 3 to drop me off and leave, per my request. The less Sam and Dean knew about angelic involvement the better. I had every intention of telling the boys everything eventually. But this situation was tenuous at best and I couldn't afford to upset their universe any further than I intended. But that's the screw, isn't it? I was going to alter things in a big way and the repercussions would be far reaching. So what would be the big deal in keeping some souls from hell along the way? The other half of my brain reminded me that by changing anything other than who was taking on the trials could possibly derail the timeline and I wouldn't have the jump on what was to come. KISS, Dana… keep it simple stupid.

All these thoughts were rushing around my head as I was waiting for angel airlines to pick me up. I seriously wanted a drink to calm my nerves but taking on a hellhound was going to be tricky enough without adding a DUI into the mix. I kept reminding myself that I only had to do this one trial alone. Sam and Dean would be backing me for the rest. My brain understood that but my rapidly beating heart wasn't in on that information. Before I had time to really freak out, a non-descript Secret Service angel type fluttered in, startling me briefly.

"It's time," he said in a bland voice.

I stood on shaking knees and with a soft touch to my shoulder, the bunker vanished.


	18. Chapter 18

When we landed we were in a thicket of bushes on the Cassity property, just to the side of the barn. What CIA angel lacked in personality, he made up for in accuracy. It was the perfect spot to hide until show time. The angel tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a pair of glasses and a short, silver sword.

"You requested these?" he said in an emotionless whisper.

It took me a half second to realize what he was giving me. I had asked Naomi for glasses waved through holy fire so I could see the hounds and an angel blade, for slaughtering purposes.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks," I replied.

I felt the flutter more than heard it when the angel departed. He was efficient. I had to give him that.

Now all I had to do was wait until the time was right.

* * *

><p>After an hour of waiting, my nerves were the least of my problems. I had forgotten to pee before I left the bunker. What a thing to forget! I wondered absently if the boys had ever had the same problem on a hunt.<p>

I saw Dean wander around the corner and my focus returned. I knew he was a more than capable hunter but seeing him walk toward danger made my stomach quiver. Knowing he was going to Ellie's room was worse. Thinking of her kissing him made my face flame in jealousy. He wasn't mine but feelings are feelings. Come on, Dana! Get your head in the game.

Once I knew he was clear, I snuck into the barn and hid behind a pile of equipment. My memory of this episode was hazy. It wasn't one of my favorites but if I was correct, the hellhound was going to come to the door and Dean was going to say something about Crowley. If I played my cards right, he'd never finish the sentence.

Through the glasses Naomi provided, the world was blue and a bit hazy. I heard Dean close Ellie's door at the other end of the barn. I tensed as I heard the dog coming. All I had to do was distract it from Dean and have her charge me.

He opened the large double doors, walking cautiously toward the center of the tack room. The hound appeared at the entrance of the barn. And Dean started his speech. She jumped behind a stack of hay bales and I reacted.

I jumped out of my hiding place, shoved Dean into the corner and yelled, "What are you waiting for, bitch?!"

She jumped out of her hiding spot, lunging for me, and knocked me flat on the floor with one swipe. The pain that lanced through my left shoulder left spots in front of my eyes. The hound was on me before I could take a another breath.

"Dana… NO!" I heard Dean shout from the corner.

Just as she was about to snap her jaws on to my face, I plunged the angel blade into her chest and sliced down her belly, just as Sam had done, coating myself in black, sticky blood. The hellhound fell off me with a thud. Sam was at the entrance, shotgun sitting on his shoulder. Both he and Dean got to me at the same time. I felt pressure on my shoulder and heard Dean cursing under his breath. The edges of my vision started to go black. No, no, no. I have to complete the trial!

Just as I was about to go under, I muttered, "Kah Nah Ahm Dar".

My right hand flared bright orange, pain and energy shooting through me. I jolted upright, my heart racing and muscles spasming.

"Dana?" Sam called through the haze, anxiety apparent in his tone.

The only words I could manage, "I'm ok."

The glow dissipated. I turned my head to smile at Sam.

"I did it." And passed out, landing in Dean's arms.

* * *

><p>The Kansas night was sultry but the chills would not stop coming. I was shivering so hard my teeth were smashing together. I had bitten my tongue twice. I knew the effects of the spell were going to be rough but Sam was a tougher guy than even I knew. I hadn't expected the path I had chosen to be easy and would take whatever punishment the supernatural would deal out to save Sam and ultimately Dean. Escaping to the roof had been the only way I could think of to hide the effects of the spell from the boys.<p>

The ride back from Idaho had been a quiet one. Cas had been called to heal my shoulder and sensing the tense atmosphere, left quickly. Dean was furious to the point of physical violence that I had stepped in. Sam was also angry but more confused than anything else. They both knew I would explain myself but in my own time. The bombshell that Sam would have been possessed by an angel against his will and Dean would become a Knight of Hell wasn't one I was going to share on the fly. There was also the predicament of the second trial to consider. How the fuck was I going to get into hell and rescue Bobby? Sam had barely managed that one. There was also the problem of what to do about Metatron. Even forewarned, would Cas be able to resist the temptation of closing the gates of Heaven? I was considering taking an angel blade and ganking the mother fucker myself on principal.

The thoughts spinning around my head were interrupted by the crunching of footsteps on the gravel behind me. I had hoped Dean would come up first but the gait of Sam's walk gave him away. There was a warm wool blanket draped around my shoulders and a cup of herbal tea in my hands before I could even say hello.

"Th-th-thank you," I managed to get out between sips. Sam's calloused but gentle hands felt my forehead.

"You are burning up. You should be in bed, not on the roof." His voice had an edge to it. He was angry and I knew I had to give him an explanation.

"You are probably right but I know I am not exactly yours or Dean's favorite person at the moment. I thought it would be best to lay low until I had the chance to explain properly."

He cocked his head to the side and indicated he was ready to listen.

I took a deep breath and began, "Sam, I am sorry I didn't tell you what I was planning. But you would have stopped me and I am the one who has to complete the trials. Neither you nor Dean can do it."

Sam looked like he was going to argue with me so I cut him off, "I was not implying that you are not capable. You both are. It's just that the trials are no cake walk. You are both too valuable to the world to be sacrificial lambs to the slaughter. And that's exactly what the person who completes the trials is going to be… sacrificed. There's no way to say this gently. The trials are going to kill me. And there is nothing you or anyone else can do to stop it."

Sam's expression went hard. "What exactly do you mean?"

"In the timeline I came from, it was you who took on the trials. The further along you went, the sicker you got. You were moments away from completing the third trial when Dean discovered it would kill you and he made you stop. You didn't close the gates of hell. But the damage done to you was going to kill you anyway. Sam, you were going to die and I could not let that happen. Not now, not ever. Not when I can stop it, complete the trails and close the gates of hell forever."

He sat and stared at me for minutes, digesting the information I had given him.

"Why did Dean stop me?"

"Because he loves you, moron. Why the fuck else would he stop you? There's no Dean if there's no you." My health was affecting my mood. I would not normally have been so blunt.

He pondered my statement for a moment and said quietly, "There's no way we can let you take on something so huge. It should be one of us that does this".

"Sam, no. I will not have either of you die. I couldn't bear the thought. I came here for a purpose. This has to be it! What other reason would I be here if not to change what was to come and save the Winchesters? Sam, I have to do this. Please."

I could tell by the stiff set of his shoulders he didn't like what I was saying but there was no arguing with my logic. So far, no one had discovered a reason why I had been brought to their universe.

"There's more you need to know, Sam. Your body was damaged beyond anything an angel could repair so, to save you, Dean tricked you into allowing an angel to possess you, to heal you from the inside. Long story short, the angel was a bad guy. Needless to say, you weren't real happy with him about it and said something to Dean you didn't mean. Dean then made a really bad decision and in the long run, he dies and becomes a demon himself."

Sam looked like he'd been hit by a ton of bricks. It was a lot of information to take in.

"Sam, listen to me, we can stop all of this. I can. One trial down, two to go. I know what they are and what we have to do. You have to trust me. You just have to."

He grimaced, nodded slightly, and brushed his bangs out of his eyes. It was such a Sam move, I couldn't stop the grin that spread across my face. He looked at me with curiosity and smiled slightly himself. That's when I knew he was on my side. His brother was another matter.

_A/N: This chapter originally ended with "Dana" passing out in Dean's arms. It was painfully short so I combined two chapters. Which means that I am about to run out of pre-written stuff. So, updates might be a little slow in coming but please stick with me. You guys are just the best! I'll still update on Saturday so... more to come. _

_I heard from my muse. She and my plot bunny are at the North Pole with Santa helping with last minute preparations. I told her to get her ass back home, pronto. Her only response to that was something about the egg nog and a hiccup so, looks like she is still MIA. Maybe I can soldier on without her. ;) _


	19. Chapter 19

All around me there was fire and heat. My skin felt like it was blistering off the bone. The suffering was so intense that I couldn't open my eyes. But worse than the pain, were the screams. There had to be thousands of them, all expressing their agony the only way they could. It was deafening.

Through the anguish, I could sense someone close, their breath feathering against my charred cheek.

"Open your eyes," said a familiar voice. I didn't want to obey. I knew what I would see if I did and no torture could compare.

"I said, Open. Your. Eyes," the voice commanded again. I had no choice.

I stared at the face that was close to my field of vision. It was the face I had loved for so long but harsh, cold. And his eyes, not the deep green of my dreams, were black as coal.

The razor he held in his hand flashed against the glow coming from below.

"Let's get started."

I did the only thing I knew to do… scream.

* * *

><p>"Dana… Dana! Wake up!"<p>

The hands gripping my upper arms, shaking me awake, were calloused but gentle. I knew his voice but I was having a hard time letting go of the horror I was feeling. When I opened my eyes, there he was. His face was concerned, not hateful. His eyes were the bottle green I loved.

I took a deep breath to steady myself and much to my dismay, began to sob uncontrollably. The dream was so real and I was so relieved he wasn't a demon. He was still Dean, my Dean. He gathered me into his arms and rocked me back and forth, shushing me and rubbing my back. I wrapped my arms around him and held him as tightly as I could, letting all the fear and relief soak his t-shirt with tears.

After a while, the sobs quieted but I couldn't let go of him. We had barely spoken since I had gutted the hellhound and just having him near me felt like heaven. Much too soon, he let go of me and looked into my eyes. The anger of the last few days was gone, tenderness and curiosity left in its place.

"You ok?" he asked sweetly, brushing my hair out of my eyes.

I nodded and sighed. I caught his hand in mine and laid it against my cheek, leaning into his touch. I had missed him so much and now that the walls were down, I wasn't about to let this opportunity slip by. I turned my head slightly, kissing the rough palm on my face. I released his hand and he let it fall, looking down at his lap.

"Dean… I…"

Before I could say anything else, his lips were on mine, intense and wanting. I gave in. How could I not? I could feel him all around me, the warmth of his hands on my cheeks holding me still, his stubble chafing my chin, the smell of beer on his breath. He released me and ran his hands down my bare arms. I shivered and captured his face in my hands, pouring all the adoration I could manage into a tender kiss. I needed him to know how much he was loved, not in spite of who he was but because of it.

He pulled away and looked at me, disbelief clouding his features. To reassure him, I started caressing his cheekbones, cherishing every inch of skin with the backs of my fingers. He leaned into my touch. I shifted closer to him so I could rain kisses all over his faultless features. Gently kissing his forehead, his temples, his eyelids, those sculpted cheekbones, along his strong jaw, and that spot just below his left ear that I have wanted to lavish attention on for years. His breath quickened as I gently bit his neck, his hands roaming down my back. He pulled away and looked into my eyes. There was doubt and insecurity mixed with lust in his gaze. I knew what he was thinking. He didn't deserve the reverence I was showing him. I leaned toward him, slowly, never breaking eye contact and laid my forehead against his. I needed him to know he was worthy of all the affection I had to give. He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me against him, kissing me with gratitude. I shifted so we could lie down and to my surprise, he followed.

The passion that flowed between us was undeniable but we moved slowly, with purpose. Our kisses were long and languid. I took my time, letting my hands roam all over, determined to memorize every line, every curve of his gorgeous body. He also seemed patient, covering each portion of my exposed skin with tender attention.

Leaving my side briefly, he rose to remove his shirt and my breath left my lungs. My imagination had not done him justice. I reached for him, wanting to caress and nibble on the smooth, muscular skin there. Instead, he lifted me into a sitting position and removed my pajama shirt as well. Feeling his heated gaze settle on my breasts, I blushed. He smiled and returned to my arms, our bare flesh meeting in an urgent embrace. Just the sensation of his skin on mine was enough to make my head swim but he had more in store for me. The slow kisses continued but moved away from my mouth. He lingered along my jaw, my neck and collarbone. Moving south, his lips covered my shoulder while I dug my fingernails into his back. When his mouth finally reached my breast, I almost lost consciousness. His artful tongue sent fireworks all throughout my body. My hips were grinding against him, begging for release all on their own. He pinned my hips against the mattress and took my nipple between his teeth, tugging gently. I moaned loudly, convulsing against him. He smothered the sound with his mouth, releasing my hips and moving far enough away to unzip his jeans, sliding them and his boxers to the floor.

Seeing his naked body in all its glory was just too much. He was perfect. Every feature flawless, symmetric… and did not disappoint. I drank in every inch of him. How could this man be with me? He was everything I had ever wanted and so much more.

He made short work of my underwear and picked right back up where he had left off, kissing down my belly, nibbling and biting. My breath was coming in quick, stuttering pants. Parting my legs, the insides of my thighs received his full attention while his hands held my hips steady.

My back was in full arch when he suddenly stopped touching me. Bewildered, I raised my head off the pillow and looked down at him. From between my legs, he was watching me with a smoldering gaze. He gave me a confident smirk and firmly kissed my clit. My barely stifled, guttural groan echoed off the walls and every muscle tensed in anticipation. I was still unprepared for the assault of his talented tongue. With every flick, every lick, every suckle, my senses were reeling and soon I could no longer control the massive climax growing inside of me. With one last nibble I came, screaming through clenched teeth, every muscle seizing tight in glorious release.

I was still quivering when he entered me. I hissed at his girth. Jesus, he was even bigger than he looked. My reaction caused him to slow and he slid into me inch by inch. I adjusted quickly and started moving my hips against his thrusts. He groaned and picked up the pace, quickly losing himself. It didn't take long for me to feel another fantastic orgasm building.

Hey, wait… he was having all the fun. I decided to turn the tables on him, literally. I grabbed his arm and flipped us over so I was on top. He went willingly and I smirked down at him. I started again but this time it was agonizingly slow. He was having no part of that. He sat up, looking me directly in the eye and began moving me against him. This was fine with me because I could see him, really see his face and his reactions. I kissed him softly and the mood shifted. He again took my face in his hands and kissed me back just as sweetly. Our breath was coming in ragged gasps. He leaned his forehead against mine, his eyes never closing. When I felt my climax building, I threw my arms around his neck, clinging to him. I needed be closer.

Just as a I fell, I whispered in his ear, "Dean, I… I love you."

His answering groan was pained but with a final thrust, he came hard and crushed me to his chest.

We stayed that way for a few blissful minutes, sweaty and satiated. But when he pulled away, the haunted look in his eyes told me I had made a mistake. And my heart broke.


	20. Chapter 20

With my head in the crook of his arm, splayed across his chest, I was as close to heaven as I could be. It would have been flat-out perfect except he was tense. Staring at the ceiling, he hadn't said a word since I whispered in his ear.

I leaned up on my elbow and just looked at him. He was lost in thought, his face serious.

"Dean, I think I should explain myself."

He glanced in my direction but only briefly, "Explain what?"

"Oh, is that how it's going to be? Dean, roll over and look at me please."

He did as I asked, attempting to keep his face neutral. His eyes betrayed him. In a word, he looked scared.

I sighed and began, "Dean, I told you I loved you for several reasons. For one thing, it's true. Secondly, it's important to me that you know how I feel. But I think you are misunderstanding the situation. I don't expect anything in return."

His neutral expression was gone. It was replaced with confusion and skepticism.

"What I feel… what I am giving to you, it's a gift. Just because someone gives you a gift doesn't mean you have to reciprocate. And you are allowed to accept the gift without feeling guilty."

His expression hardened but I had gone too far to turn back.

"I know you, Dean. Better than you realize. I know you cannot have an 'apple pie' life. It's not for you. I also know you think you are unlovable but you couldn't be further from the truth. Yes, you have made mistakes and done horrible things. I am aware. There are also many, many things about you that make you a cut above the rest."

He opened his mouth to interrupt me and I cut him off. "Nope, not your turn to talk. You are going to tell me I am wrong and I shouldn't say those things. Tough shit, Winchester. These are my feelings and they are not invalid just because you say they are."

He closed his mouth and gestured for me to continue.

"There's another reason I said what I said and we are going to have to talk about this anyway. I know you are beyond furious that I jumped in on the hellhound kill but I had to. In the universe where I came from, Sam takes on the trials. Moments before he completed the third trial, you stopped him. You discovered that the trials would kill him. Of course I had to intervene. There is absolutely no way I am going to let anything happen to you or Sam. You are too damn important to the world. Not to mention, the man I love is not going to die. Not on my watch."

Dean's dead level gaze never wavered.

"You done?"

I sighed, "Yes."

He sat up in the bed and gave me the "you are going to listen to me" expression.

"So what you are saying is that instead of me or Sam dying, it's going to be you. And you are also saying that you love me and that you have no intention of letting me die because of the way you feel so I should just accept that? Bullshit. Why should I stand back and let you clean up our mess?"

"Because Dean, there is no other reason that we can find that I should be here! I know where and when the trials are supposed to happen. I know all the 'bumps in the road' and I am expendable. I was never supposed to be part of this universe!"

Dean was angry, very angry. His eyes went dead as he spoke, "What are you saying? That you are expendable? You are no more expendable than any of us. Don't ever say that again."

He threw back the covers and grabbed his boxers from the floor. "You are insane. Just plain, old fashioned nuts. You might have stolen the first trial from us but I am going to find another hell bitch and start all over again!"

"Dean, that makes no sense! I have already completed the first one. Why not let me continue? You and Sam don't have to sacrifice yourselves and I don't have to watch one of you die. I call that a win, win situation."

Dean huffed, "You would see it that way. What about us having to watch you die? Had you thought about that? I guess not."

He turned, opened the door, and left.

Stunned, I sat on the edge of the bed with my mind racing in every direction. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his t-shirt laying close to my leg. I grabbed it, inhaled his wonderful scent and sobbed.

_A/N: And here ends where I have pre-written chapters. I am going on a hiatus to get ahead again. I apologize profusely. I suffer from severe depression and when I hit the lows, they are especially bad. This time of year does not help. Please be patient with me and I will return to Dean and Dana's story. :) Thank you all for the favorites, follows, and reviews. They mean a lot! Happy Holidays to you all!_


	21. Chapter 21

My room was too quiet. The silence filling the air left a slight ringing in my ears. I was all cried out and Dean's shirt was damp from my tears. I stood with the intention of grabbing the bottle of cheap whiskey out of my dresser and drinking until the pain dulled and I could breathe. When I reached into the drawer, the bottle was there but it was friggin' empty.

"Shit," I sighed to myself. If I wanted liquor, I was going to have to go to the library. If Sam was still up, he was doing research and wouldn't think me getting a drink in the middle of the night was a big deal. Honestly, I did it all the time. Dean had plenty of whiskey in his room and was more than likely in the shower. The numbness I was seeking was at the bottom of a glass and worth the risk.

I grabbed my panties from the floor where Dean had deposited them and pulled his t-shirt on over my head. It hung to my mid-thigh and was enough to cover me in case Sam was anywhere around.

Gingerly opening my door, I stopped just before it creaked and shimmied out, leaving it open behind me. With a light tread, I made my way to the library quickly. Just as I got to the corner, I heard voices. Seeing as there was no one else in the bunker, it had to be Sam and Dean. I tiptoed closer, determined to hear what was being said and if it had anything to do with what had transpired earlier.

"She said she loves me, Sammy," Dean said softly.

"Yeah, you are surprised? It's been pretty clear from the jump how she feels about you."

"Well, it was clear to everyone but me. How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that? I don't know anything about her and she knows everything about me!"

I heard Sam sigh and could mentally see him run his hands through his hair out of frustration, "Dean, think about what you just said. Dana knows you. Better than most people. Hell, probably better than I do. And she loves you, man. She truly does. Why are you freaking out about it? Take it for the absolute gift that it is and run with it. We don't know how long she's going to be here or how these trials are going to play out. And yes, it's true, you don't know about her past but you do know that she's offering herself to you without asking for anything in return. Dammit Dean, for once, don't question something to death and enjoy it!"

I heard Dean sigh and the audible thud of a heavy bottom glass being placed on the library table followed.

"What if she dies, Sam? How am I going to feel if I let myself get even a little attached to her and she dies?"

"If she dies, Dean, how are you going to feel regardless? Why not make what time she's got left happy and let her love you? Maybe, just maybe, think about what she needs instead of what you want?"

Not waiting for Dean's reply, I stepped out of my hiding place and walked over to the cart where the liquor was kept. Bending over to get one of the full bottles off the bottom, I heard two surprised gasps from behind me. I smiled to myself, turned on my heel, and walked over to the table.

Dean's look of shock and admiration was almost my undoing but I had something to say so, I let 'er rip.

"You know something, Dean. You should listen to Sam every once in a while because the kid is a lot brighter than you give him credit for, you fucking idiot."

Without a glance in Sam's direction and not really caring to see the reaction my words had caused, I turned and stalked back down the hall. The bottle was open before I hit the door and a glass was going to be unnecessary.

* * *

><p>A half an hour later, the scalding water from the shower head was washing away the last of the tension from my shoulders. The whiskey had worked its magic and I was pretty drunk by that point. As a matter of fact, the bottle was still in my right hand. I lifted my head out from under the spray and took a deep swig, willing my brain to stop thinking about Dean Winchester. Sam had made my argument for me and it was in Dean's hands now. Oh my god, Dean's hands. My body betrayed me and the surge of heat through my veins made my knees a little weak. Even the blistering water couldn't erase his touch from my skin.<p>

Replaying our lovemaking in my head, I heard the door to the shower room open but was too far into my own imagination to care. I felt the bottle slip from my hand but didn't hear any glass breaking. I looked down and sure enough, no broken bottle. I turned and shrieked in surprise. Dean was there, naked, with my whiskey in his hand. Never taking his eyes from mine, he took a long pull off the bottle and set it at his feet. He stepped forward and let the spray wash over his chest. I took an involuntary step backward but Dean was having no part of that. Still wearing the same smoldering gaze, he grabbed my hip and pulled me against his tight body. Wrapping his other hand around the back of my neck, he crushed my lips to his, kissing me as if the world was on fire. I couldn't help myself. I stopped breathing. When his lips finally left mine, I struggled to catch my breath. He moved his lips across my cheek to my ear.

Still holding me close, he tucked my wet hair behind my ear and whispered, "I'm sorry, Dana. I am so sorry. Forgive me?"

I did what any girl would do. I pulled away to look in his emerald green eyes and said…

"No chick flick moments."

With a grin, he pinned me to the tile wall with his hips, wrapped my legs around his waist and started right where we had left off.

_A/N: I'm baaaaaaaack! Did you miss me, my pretties? I missed you guys very much. I was fighting a pretty deep depression but am coming out the other side. :) You will all be happy to know that there are three more prewritten chapters after this one for you to enjoy. If I get stuck again, I'll be sure to let you know. Be kind to one another and I'll be updating again soon (once a week from now on). Love you guys and please leave comments if you like, pweeeeeeease? ;)_


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